Have you noticed that Asians, and particularly women, are hopelessly incapable of accepting compliments graciously?“You look great in that dress!”
“This old thing? No lah. I think it my arms look fat.”
“That was a good report.”
“No lah. It could have been better.”
“Your son is so cute!”
“No lah, he’s very naughty one.” (What has being cute got to do with being well-behaved?!)
When my cousin scored a whooping 9 out of 10As in her SPM, I said to my grades-obsessed aunt, “You must be so proud of her. 10As! So smart!” She replied, “No lah, she was just lucky.”
It’s silly, isn’t it? But it is so strongly ingrained in our culture and being that at the first chance of a compliment, we snap into self-deprecating mode. My resolve is to smile or say ‘Thank you’ the next time someone tells me I’ve lost weight (but really I haven’t) or have done a good job (although I know there’s a better story in me).
6 comments:
Recently, I learnt that if you keep rejecting compliments that come your way, you are actually finding it very
challenging to give genuine compliment to others ... simply because you think there's a motive ("I want something from you!") behind this compliment! (just like how you would reject a compliment from others!!) Sad, but very true indeed ...
Hmm...I have to admit that it has become part of our culture...I am surrounding of people that rejecting compliments and sometimes I found myself doing the same too...:(
Ummm... Though lots of people said that sorry seems the hardest word to say but still lots of people also finds it hard to say 'thank you'...
I recall being a 6 year old who asked my mother why she hated me. When she said she didn't, I said that she always said things like "my daughter is very lazy" or "she's the stubbornest child in the world!" every time someone made a comment about me. I don't remember her exact reply, but the gist of it was that as Asians, it's not merely rude to compliment ourselves (and by extension, our children), but it invited bad luck to show pride. As an adult, I find it hard to overcome this belief ingrained in me from my earliest years. I hope my daughter doesn't end up thinking I hate her too!
I blame Culture!! haha
But it is true... But, Culture changes with time and it is up to us to make that change. So if someone were to say to me today,'' I love your high heels, they look fabulous on you!'' I will not think twice to give them a big smile, say Thank you and tell them that I took great effort getting dressed this evening :)
Take change and make that change for yourself!
Wendy: That's food for thought.
Ciawei, Weest: It's so true isn't it?
Diana: My mom still does that to me! And I find myself brushing off compliments about my son.
My PeepToez: Show the way! We need to break this habit.
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