City slicker

Last week, I discovered my quotient for the great outdoors is zero. The epiphany came to me in the middle of a durian orchard where my husband was undergoing his durian pilgrimage (non-religious and entirely self-imposed). We stayed in situ because he wanted to be enveloped by the scent of durian at all times and stuff his face with the King of Fruit all day. It’s a thin line between torture and pleasure.

I should have been invigorated by the fresh air, breathtaking view and wholesome living. But my every waking moment was spent obsessing about...bugs. I swear an entire colony of ants was living in the room with us! No matter how diligently I swept, I would still wake up to find ants busy going about their ant day.

“It’s an orchard. What did you expect?” said hubby in between designer durians with names as peculiar as their scent.

I wasn’t always like that. I used to be quite the nature lover. My ‘Things to do before I die’ list includes climbing Mount Kinabalu, snorkelling in the Great Barrier Reef, rock climbing and several other clearly outdoorsy pursuits. Heck, I was even excitedly planning on taking my son for a home-stay programme when he’s old enough.

But as the durian orchard experience shows, I’m a hopeless city slicker too accustomed to the comforts of convenience. When on holiday, I want buffet breakfast with five different types of breads, in-room wifi, plush blankets, room service and all the usual trappings of hotel/resort living.

The home-stay is definitely out. But maybe Mount Kinabalu and the Great Barrier Reef are still possible – as long as there is a Hilton I can crawl to at the end of the day!